Sadness

First of all,

This is probably the last thing I should be doing, yet it should be the first.

I haven't really taken time to actually write (be it written on the computer or in pen in a journal) my thoughts about the last few weeks. Writing is a good thing, and I've been procrastinating...even tonight, I waited till 11:10 to begin writing, while spending time searching facebook, and e-mails, and other blogs...

I will finish reading Discipline the Glad Surrender by Elizabeth Elliot soon.

I'm not exactly sure how I feel. Because my mood goes UP and then DOWN, I still feel like I haven't processed everything all the way through. Totally. Settled in my mind, spirit, deep down in my soul. I can't wrap my head around it. And, I can't stay sad (which is a good thing).

My friend isn't here anymore. She's with Jesus. She was stolen from me, but I will not let Satan steal my joy, my faith, my hope, my life. She will be with me always in my heart. How I loved her so.

I find hope in Jesus--knowing that one day soon I'll see my Amy again. No, I won't be able to share my hopes with her, or talk about our precious Saviour on the phone , or have sleepovers outside, I won't be able to go to the thrift stores with her, or see a new God inspired painting she drew, or sit in the car and laugh and eat icecream....or run in the rain in Costa Rica....or sing a song on stage without her there....

But, I'll see her in Heaven where she is smiling and singing and praising Jesus---where she isn't confused anymore, where she isn't suffereing with the flu anymore, where she IS whole and new, with the Jesus she always talked about, with the God who made her strong in standing on the front lines for abortion for so many years, with God who gave her inspiration.....

My little mind can't fathom the outcome of a dear friend being stolen away from this life. But you know what?
God holds me in the palm of HIS hands. I will continue to serve Him in spite of not understanding why. I who am left will press on to the upward calling the Lord has placed on my life. I will run and not grow weary. I will walk and not faint. The Lord is my strenght. I will continue to love people well. I will continue to love my God even if He allows me to not have anyone. May I be able to firmly grasp hold of Jesus who is the author and finisher of my faith is spite of whatever He allows to happen in the life He has given me. The life that is truly HIS.

SELAH.

I talked with Daniel a few weeks (last week?) ago. That was good. I talked with Carrie and Alex today. Never put off what can be done today. If you feel like calling a friend, call them. REally make sure you know what's going on in their lives. Don't let them become sheltered.

On a positive happy note, my friend from IL is coming in May! I'm really glad she's coming to visit for 10 days.

No more Psychology class!

I love Ashley Hudson.

I'm sad Mrs. Paulus is leaving. Very very sad. Maybe I'll have to contact the Commander in Chief with a list of names that proves the Paulus family just can't leave. I mean, what do New Mexican's want with a girl who knows so much about homeschooling, and a guy who loves his wife so much that he won't let her fold his laundry? (oops, did I say that?) Moore Expressions will never be the same without you, Kt. Though I must part with you I want you to know that you've really meant alot to me. Talking, chocolate, sharing, smiling, wedding, faith, crying (ok, I did most of the crying part)
and it all happened in a bookstore...

goodnight fellow friends, aquaintances, chums, and plums.

Ok, i do believe it's bed time for me. I get to sleep in tomorrow.

happyness

man, did i really miss it by one day? it would have made it exactly two months....

a person is a person no matter how small. how are you standing up for life?

shall i examine if i'm too prideful, am i really miss perfection?

excitment about school starting soon!! i made my first amazon.com puchases this semester, thanks to katie i know how to navigate to even cheaper places using campusi.com not icampus.

something isn't new if you've already used it. just in case anyone needed clarification on that subject.

last night i was thinking about writing a letter to FOX Movies or some other company that makes movies. i'd also like to survey movie watchers. alvin and the chipmunks rated PG. i really feel christians put up with so many things that are wrong in movies. why aren't thousands of letters pouring into Paramount pictures saying "we have had enough!"...

i really do enjoy criticing movies, picking them apart, trying to see where people really enjoy a movie, how i enjoyed it...

so, someone i know is getting married in march. won't that be swell. and someone else i know is getting married on may 2nd. and yet another person i know is getting married sometime this year. ok, are we seeing a pattern here.

who knows. maybe i'll be next.

dad sprained his ankle really bad today. pray for healing and recovery.

tomato soup is the best!! so are slight flourys and gusts of snow. however, i do prefer large amounts that actually stick to the ground---yes, i'm talking about feet of snow that you can see through the window--i can see touching my nose against the cold glass window.

ok, off to bed i go. may you all be blessed as you begin this new year.

ForgiveNESS

Forgiveness requires a heart change. It requires thinking not of yourself. In forgiveness you find JOY, peace, contentment, and genuine LOVE. and you feel a whole lot better after you forgive. Forgiveness emphasises Jesus who forgave us.

Honor. Respect. Let the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart be acceptable in your sight, Oh Lord my Savior and Redeemer. Let NO corrupt word proceed out of your mouth except what is good for personal edification that it may impart grace to the hearers. Honor your father and mother for your life will be long on this earth. (paraphrased)

Change is hard but change is good! Change is exciting too!