Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for Him. Psalm 37:7

You will seek Me and find Me when you seek Me with all of Your heart. Jeremiah 29:13

Isaiah 42: 1, 6-9
Behold! My Servant whom I uphold,
My Elect One in whom My soul delights!
I have put My Spirit upon Him

I, the LORD, have called You in righteousness,
And will hold Your hand;
I will keep You and give You as a covenant to the people,
As a light to the Gentiles,
To open blind eyes,
To bring out prisoners from the prison,
Those who sit in darkness from the prison house.
I am the LORD, that is My name;
And My glory I will not give to another,
Nor My praise to carved images.
Behold, the former things have come to pass,
And new things I declare;
Before they spring forth I tell you of them.”

Last night, on my lovely drive back from the lovely home of a friend, who lives in the far distant land of newport news, I began to cry. Tears of revelation, desire, hope, and anticipation. My friend's words, "I really want you to know" really stuck out to me. I want to know what I want to do in life too. This season of uncertainty, wondering, has ultimately lead me back to a place of wanting the Lord. Desiring Him first. Wanting a schedule that reflects His rest, instead of stress. I say I don't really know, but I have quite an inkling as to that direction, which was made even more clear today when Pastor talked about the best time to pray. It's the place on the roof where you can see the people AND you can also see Christ, as the heavens are opened, and revelation-understanding-knowledge-love begins to pour out. That place where God is giving you His heart. There is a deep connection between the too, and it's the best place to be! The best time to PRAY!

God has given me such a love for His people. The brokenhearted, the hurting, the captives. What do I want to be doing in life? Ministring to these people. I want to be in a place of such close intimacy with the Father, through prayer and relationship, that His joy (which gives me strength) would overflow into my brothers and sisters. I want to be able to equip people to know the One who can "raise them up to more than they can be", to help them move past the expectations and mostly emptiness this world has to offer,

It was interesting also how marriage played into all of this....I'm resting in that place of uncertainty and realize that I'm in a place of preparation, and am content with being single. I was starting to think about being married and how this ties in with my desire to minister to the broken and hurting. I thought of two songs by Leeland:

-TEARS OF THE SAINTS-

And all Your children will stretch out their hands
And pick up the crippled man
Father, we will lead them home
Father, we will lead them home


&

-FOLLOW YOU-
And I'll follow you into the homes that are broken.
Follow you into the world.
Meet the needs for the poor and the needy God.
Follow you into the World.
I give all myself.
I give all myself
I give all myself... to you.


The first song specifically stuck out to me..."and all Your children". As I'm reading it tonight, I didn't realize that it was referencing God's children, but when I was playing it, I envisioned MY children.

So, I'm just resting. Resting in the Lord. Waiting on the Lord. Being stirred to PRAY.

A few weeks ago, in the Prayer Room, the Lord was speaking. Luke 9. Mary and Martha. Learning to choose the better part. Sitting before the Lord and learning from His Word. Not being anxious and busy, and rushed, but pressing in. Learning and then applying.

Till next time, friends.

What is HE doing?

It's been several months, yes, that I've posted to you my public audience, however, I have been journaling on a semi-regular basis my deeper personal thoughts......yeah for me!

Wow. ALOT has happened since my last post.
To sum it all up it just two words: Relationships and Love

lots more to come soon, just letting you know I'm breathing and doing well...

It's been a long time

I have no idea who reads this and honestly I don't care that much.

It's been a terribly long time since I've blogged so hear goes.

Be sensitive to the Holy Spirit. He keeps bringing to my memory a guy I met in one of my classes last semester. When I'm driving, I seem to notice the car he drives, though it's not him. Take these times and PRAY. It's probably the Lord. It's been several weeks, maybe a few months ago, but randomly I was thinking about my old Math teacher from high school. Only days later, I found out that she had been hurt badly, and could have died. Yes, I believe the Lord was calling ME to pray for her! He laid her on my mind for a reason. Not simply to reflect on memories with her but to pray for her. Our ways are not His ways, nor are our thoughts HIS thoughts.

I have been strengthened and challenged in my faith since my return home from Illinois. Engaging in very in-depth conversations with a Catholic friend, I have had to really look into what I believe and why I believe it. To say the least, it has been an excellent opportunity. I pray that God fully opens the eyes of his understanding for there are many cloudy areas that need to be worked out. Rush in like a mighty wind Father!

God has been showing me that I need to live in the world but I am not of the world. That He is calling a generation who will not compromise but who will stand out and be different from the world. A people who is there to offer the hope and love of Christ (among many, many other things).

I'm feeling really stirred to take care of the temple God has given me. My physical body. I'm feeling the lack of care and something has got to change! I must not just talk about it. It will take action on my part along with a willing spirit. Die daily to the flesh. It's hard but it's doable. I'd like to get our family eating healthy foods. Buying good foods are expensive but if we start eating in moderation (portion sizes) --eating less of good so to speak, I think it will be to our benefit.

I feel such a peace about this semester. I'm still working on prioritizing time, finding that I'm eating on the run alot more than I need too, getting on face book entirely too much...but there is a peace. I see God at work in the little things. I might not have the big picture yet, and I may never have it, but God knows the plans He has for me and I shall rest in Him.

It snowed today. Just thought I should document this somewhere in addition to my calender and face book. It snowed a lot.

Greatly enjoyed reading Rachel's blog. I can't WAIT to be somewhere like that---I loved it. I hope that Costa Rica works out for me in the summer or sometime soon.

I love how I'm desiring to have my own home. I see beautiful things when I'm out shopping that I'd love to have but don't really have the room for them. Can't wait till I can decorate my home.

I'm glad that God made me want to obey my parents. That He gave me a desire to do what's right, to love seeking Truth. I ask that He give me a heart for those who don't see. Ah, God's showing me to love people for who they are, no matter what color they are, no matter how they talk or act, love them for them, love them because God loves them. Love because it's the right thing to do.

I've been consistently washing the dishes. That's a good thing.

I'm encouraged, so encouraged, when God brings people in my life "for such a time as this". One particular person blesses me so. We connect so well. Thank you Lord.

"Cast all your care upon Him for He cares for you."

High Time for an Update, don't you think?

CHICAGO! So, last Wednesday we made a whole day of Chicago, left here around 8:00 and got there around 10:30. I was still not fully well, getting over a cold, but enjoyed the time nevertheless. We were very fortunate to be able to use someone’s parking space for the day. Our first stop was at a lovely grocery store that reminded me of Fresh Market. We were able to sample some of their coffee and chocolates and actually purchased some chocolate pear, cherry, and raspberry flavored candies. We walked up Michigan Avenue, were given a banana with some advertising stuck on it, stopped into Payless Shoes, took some pictures by the Bean and listened to a band (who knows who they were!-they weren’t half bad), stopped into a place to eat to look at their gelato then continued on our way….we ended up eating at a food court (lame, I know) where we got Panda Express Chinese and split a Chicago Dog (which tasted like a regular hot dog to me). We stopped in a huge forever 21 searching for a while for a nice skirt, we were very unsuccessful. Our shopping adventures continued in the land of H & M which ended in nothing again. Nearing the end of our time, we stopped in the American girl shop and stopped to get some awesome custard—Pomegranate with another delicious flavor I can’t recall—Ahh, it was delicious! :D Stopped into Ghirardelli Chocolate to see about ice cream—it was really expensive so we decided not to get anything, but ended up leaving the shop with a piece of chocolate (free!) and it was super dark! We headed back down Michigan Avenue to hit up the Descartes’ Coffee Shop where Spanish guys were manning the shop (which seemed kind of weird). I got a shot of espresso and Carissa got some regular coffee and we had some Pistachio and Nutella Gelato. The guys there had no idea what any of the Gelato flavors were which was pretty humorous. Around 4:30, we headed to the airport to pick up Rachel and her friend Amy. We made great time and got home around 9:30 after dropping Amy off at her house.
Let’s see….other highlights. Family birthday party at the Grahams for Carissa and Rachel—great dinner of Chicken Cordon Blue. Fever House dinner, just minus Fever house. Party of 6—love little parties. Great cooking by Nick—grilled chicken with peanut sauce and other goodness—ha, we didn’t eat till like 9:30 or 10.
And, I’ve been working pretty much every day. Things are going well. We have an excellent team of girls. And school goes on as well. I start two more classes in October which I’m looking forward to—it will keep me more motivated with more. :D
Oh, Rachel and I were able to go to Allerton Park in Monticello, IL. It was so great! It reminded you of Pride and Prejudice with the gardens, but it was also pretty quirky—with Fu Dogs and such. But, it was great. Very beautiful. Took her to a dentist appointment in the small town, walked around, had dairy queen, Rachel got a hair cut……
Started a wonderful Beth Moore Bible Study!!! More to share later.

Ok, so I just wrote a VERY VERY lengthy post and it didn't post. Instead it decided to erase everything. How lovely. Well, I'm off to bed but a detailed post will be posted when I get back from Chicago---sometime this weekend.

No fancy title

Well, I've at least inproved on keeping updates going, before a week has ended! :d

I think right now I'm missing the selection of activities I had back home, or maybe I'm just in the same place to much and need a little more variety, that's probably better. I go to work, I study at the house, I've been to a local coffee shop, I've been to the University a few times.

I guess I also don't have that freedom to just leave, or I feel like I need to go along with Carissa or I'd like to be with Carissa (her schedule is crazy right now!), and I don't really have any friends here other than her--though I have met some really cool people that are almost my friends :D It's not like I can just call them up---well, I really could but...haven't yet.

Owl City--songs: Fireflies, Saltwater room, and Hello Seattle. Some of their lyrics are interesting, but the beats and melodies are nice.

and leftover from the party the "Dancin' in the moonlight" song.....

So, we are going swing dancing tomorrow!!!! :D And before that we are going to a meeting at Newman's--the Catholic church and dorm---simply, to learn about the Catholic faith, why they believe what they believe. I think this week they will be talking about the Trinity.

Last night, Carissa and I went to Intervarsity Bible Study. The apartment was a little sketchy and when we found the room there was no "Hello welcome" we just kinda went in, and they said we were going around introducing ourselves--"Tell your name your major and your favorite disney character (or favorite cereal). After introductions, the leader (andrew) went over how the evening was going to look like, and then we got right into the Scripture--Acts 2:40-47.

Someone read it (Yes, there were people there from the Church of Jesus Christ of the Latter Day Saints), then we all reflected on it, asked questions, answered the questions. Honestly we could have been there all night but we had to leave.

I found it very interesting that the topic of all the different denominations came up---exactly what I'd been thinking about this week after I got to talk with Matt and Nick more about the catholic faith. And this guy at the study was just reiterating that---how divided we are, and really what things we could do if we were all working together as the body of Christ without our seperate denominations---How similiar most of us really are, doing the same things!

Oh, if the body of Christ was truly unified! What great things God could do through us! Not sure if I'll return to that study, not that it was bad, but I'll have to consider it. There is a Beth Moore Bible study that I'll be starting two Wednesday's from now--hopefully that will be good, she usually is. I haven't gone to the church here yet, I went a few weeks when I was here in December but of course the services were a little different due to Christmas.

I will be with my family this weekend in Indiana!!!! :D Look forward to seeing them--Prayers need to go up for my cousin Nicki--who is in the hospital after having pnemonia and having a baby and I'm not sure of all the other details, possibly a blood clot. I guess we are going to see where my grandpa is buried too. He just died this past year, I can't remember what month. ;/

We ate really late again, like 8:30pm.

I think I've figured it out---I don't like just having one class. You know when I started talking in the beginning, I think that's it too. I just don't want to be focused on one thing, but then I kind of do, but I can't seem to focus on one thing without other things "distracting" me.

I guess I'm still getting used to this slow pace maybe. Man, my summer was crazy busy! I like slow but going from one extreme to the other can be interesting I guess. Also I don't like that I know that I need to be doing school but have no motivation to do it, am too tired, or simply don't want to think about it!

I need to peace out and school probably won't be happening tonight but that's ok with me.

Goodnight.....goodnight.

Since Wednesday...

Ladies and Gentlemen~

First, I'm very happy that I have today and tomorrow OFF! I now have plenty of hours today and tomorrow to press in to my schoolwork and get er' done. :) And, I might be able to have lunch with Carissa on campus.

Rachel is getting ready to leave for California today. She's off to see her love and will be back in 10 days.

Things have been pretty busy, as usual, here are a few of the highlights and the nitty gritty:

Thursday the 24th--

I had the day off and was with Carissa most of the day on campus. We started the day by going to the farm for a few hours and picked lots of tomatoes.
Then we went to County Market, changed and freshened up, had our small lunch of PB&J, and some Caribou Coffee. Carissa walked about 20 minutes to her class while I took her car to Twice as Nice Thirft Store. :)
Found some GREAT things at the thrift store: three dresses (2 old navy stripped-blue and maroon--and a cotton blue dress),
drove around the U of I forever trying to find the place to pick Carissa up. So many people were there! :)
found Carissa and headed to Howbowda bagel---we split a salmon one it wasn't half bad.
headed home, had dinner, then headed back to campus for Invervarsity. It was pretty good--it has potential. :)
bread hunting
lightning storm was intense!!!!! oh and did i mention we couldn't see hardly anything in front of us it was raining so hard!
then, we sucessfully made it home around 11pm
The Orchard had flooding from the rain (2 inches in 20 minutes!) so I went over to help mop and take off a few shelves of jams/jellies/preserves. I didn't get to bed till 2am

Friday the 28th-----

I worked 8:30-3:15ish
Went to pick up Julie with Rachel, went to Barnes and Noble, set up a bank account, purchased some insoles for my lovely shoes (ha).
We had the best dinner prepared by the lovely Carissa----homemade sun-dried tomato sourdough bread, salmon, brisket (prepared by me!), there must have been something else---and yes, we didn't eat till 9pm.
Carissa's boy Randy came in that night. Watched Elizabethtown so I didn't get to bed till late--probably 1am?

Saturday the 29th---
Worked from 9-4:20ish
Read very little of my reading assignments
Then I partied!!! :D Wore my lovely blue dress----the party was so much fun! And the best part, I knew everyone at the party! We made homemade pizzas with so many good toppings (avacado, goat cheese, bacon, to name a few). For dessert, we had Creme Brulee coffee and caramel flavored (so good!!! and my first) watched Lauren, Carissa, and Nick flame the sugar for them. Hung out for a while, then Lydia, Nick and I did the dishes----some people had to leave. AFter we were done we couldn't find Randy or Carissa. So we went to find them. In the dark. In the orchard. Blake and I went in the car and sure enough they were in the meadow walking down the lane. Got back to the house and Cameron (oh yes!! Cameron set up his SWEET sound system, fog machine (not so sweet) and DISCO BALL!!!!! It was so great!) had the music up and then we started dancing.....
then we left to see if we could find them and scare them (carissa and randy).....didn't really work since both of the guys shirts were light colored....
Got back to the house and had a lovely evening of dancing!!
Then Matt and I started talking about his pilot license and his flying escapade with Nick to the Ozarks. Which eventually turned into a conversation about his Catholic faith since Carissa and I wanted to go to their meeting on Thursday (it's during the same time as Intervarsity).
I ended up talking to Matt and Nick till about 2am.
Then stayed up another hour with Randy, Carissa, and Cameron.

late night but a WONDERFUL time!

I really can't keep going here, I need to start my homework assignments. But those are the main highlights for the week!!