Life in Color

How happy I am for my life. Literally, the LIFE living within me---the Sustainer of my life, He who makes me to enjoy life, He who heals my body when I am sick so I can again enjoy life and feel alive : ]

Being dog sick with a fever for 5 days this past week has really made me thankful for being well. Really made me stop to think--"Thank you Lord for sustaining me when I'm keeping myself going and running like a chicken with it's head cut off." Made me to realize that I really need to slow down and be still. That I don't need to keep talking about it, making lists that say I'll do it one of these days, or have it be some distant goal, but I need to make this time of rest a LIFESTYLE. For the current pace is wearing me out!

On another note, I was thinking about the various thoughts Amy Crane would have been thinking about when she committed suicide. I was also thinking about how desperate I would have to become to actually go through with such a thing. How decieved, how strung out, how hopeless, insecure, trapped, void of all hope. I thought of her while I was sick. How many people who were affected by the way of her death really think they will find themselves in the same shoe? It baffels me. It baffels me about how twisted her thinking really was. I find myself thinking of her when I read certain scripture verses that she probably took the wrong way. I think about one of the last times with her when she was so desperately in love with the Lord. I really think she wanted to see Him NOW, rather than waiting for her appointed time to see Him. Enough said. These among many other questions will be left un-answered for the time being, and maybe for eternity. This case rests in the palm of my sweet Father's hand the author and finisher of my life--who has given me such peace, who has drawn me so close, and has given me His assurance.

On a completely different thread, I'm looking forward to making more dish clothes for friends and family. I also can't wait to hear what my friend say's when she recieves the package of Small Meadow Press notecards I ordered her. I really love this delightful little store! However, my piles of wonderful things need to be put to use very soon. It's awful. I usually like them so much I don't want to use them. Or, I'm not creative enough and can't figure out what to do with them. Which was the case with the notecards--I just had to order my friend a whole set for herself. I am looking forward to completing some new projects this year which will include lots of collage.

May the peace of God which surpasses all understanding guard your heart and mind in Christ Jesus.

I need to continue to rest as I'm not fully well and have a long day of studying ahead. Mmm. I look forward to the day when I am not a pressured learner. :0

Movie Insights

I really love how I think--this time after seeing the movie "Bolt".

I usually try to find the positive in everything and how things really relate to God.
Well, we can look at Penny kind of like God, Bolt a lost and confused person who doesn't know who he is in Christ---his true identity and purpose is shaped by that of the world (the movie industry in this case), and Mittens the Cat as the people God puts into our life who have been hurt by the world(owners), and those who can really see a situation for what it really is (Mittens really saw that Penny loved Bolt). You know in real life, it sometimes takes someone like Mittens to "snap us out" and bring us to reality. I find it cool that God can use people to speak the truth to us and in the process changes them as well! It's great to be able to see such truths in a movie like this.

It's funny that I was sharing again this morning with Mom how I really want to help people understand who they are in Christ and why they belive what they believe.

I need to go rest now. Blessings!

shall we study any more?

Well, you'd think I'd have this studying thing figured out (well, I've got the whole this is what I like to do figured out) and that I would stop doing this to myself, but, no.

I studied today from about 2:30 till maybe 8:30. I did take maybe 4 or 5 small breaks.

So, I still read out loud. I'm trying to not read everything out loud as much because it's so straining on my voice, but sometimes it is necessary.

I've figured out that I need to begin writing my study sheet much earlier, after each class, so I'm not writing all my notes for the second (sometimes third) time in one or two days. But, it is so helpful to re-write notes!

Goodness, I had a nervous breakdown (well, almost) in class the other day. During the quiz, I just felt so overwhelmed and confused. You know when one peice of information is missing, you know all the formulas, but you can't really see the whole picture, oh and then there is the time limit--killer! I started feeling like I was going to well up, thinking I was actually going to cry right then and there, cus' I just knew I didn't have the time to figure it all out and wasn't going to get a good grade.

I decided to go on a major fast of sorts that includes
~ no fast food eating out (i'm hoping to save a lot of money this way and get healthier in the long run!)
~no sweets, including chocolate, hardees cinnamon raisin buiscuits, and panera bagels.

then I'd like to start excercising every morning by walking and running for 30 minutes, and stretching another 30 minutes.

have a set quiet time in the mornings and evenings.

Please pray that finances will come through for dental work that needs to be done. It's been on the back burner a little too long. I have receeding gum tissue on all four of my corner teeth. I am so thankful that the Lord has spared me of the great pain this should be causing me! Just in the last few months, my wisdom teeth are finally starting to come in. Thankfully, I only have two on the left side of my mouth. Oh, joy!

Pray for wisdom in how to condense my schedule that includes figuring out where I am supposed to be continuing my education, how many jobs i'm supposed to be working, and how to carve out solid time with my family.

I've been meditating on the verse, "I will keep you in perfect peace whose mind is stayed upon Me, who trusts in Me." I'm not sure where it's found but it's popped into my head a lot this week.

I'm going to hopefully visit Mrs. Lesley Austin in Walkerton, Virginia. She owns "Small Meadow Press" a delightful home based buisness that sells "beautiful useful papers for everyday life". I just love the prints! I met her at the homeschool convention in Richmond, and she is a delight! I love the way she writes. Maybe I'll be able to take my sisters and a few friends one of these days.

Which reminds me that I'd still love to go to Prince Edward Island! Sometime very soon!

but, my bed calls, along with my Bible, and sleep.

peace, rest, hope, and joy to all of you my friends!

Fed up

after a day of mood swings related to the feminine way.....

Ok, so I'm a little T.O at Public Partnerships, LLC for making my life just a tiny bit more crazy than it should be. Of course, I should have been keeping up with my hours LONG before now, but I haven't and have paid the consequence. But it makes it no simpler that they have weird ways of paying you, ie: after working 2 months you get your first paycheck, ok. not so brilliant.

I'm also tired of waiting for abortion to end. for women to turn away. for people other than Life Ministries (the 5 of us) to come out and pray on behalf of these children! when will the church wake up to the stark reality that murder of innocent lives is happening EVERY single day!!!??

oh, and I'm feeling the continued sadness of the loss of a dear friend back in march. i look forward to the day when the pain isn't as heavy and the memory is faded to where i can fully reflect on the good. i also look forward to the day when God shows me the good that has come out of all of this.

decougpauge. it's a delightful thing, however, don't spend 4 or 5 hours working on it! You really do go crazy, like I did. Of course it never helps to know that the time you spent on your craft ate up into precious time that could have been spent on "more important" tasks such as writing a tithe check, or figuring out stupid pay checks. but, it was needed. and I need to not worry about doing fun things! that are needed in life.

did i mention that i'm a bit tired of having 3 different jobs, with money flow that is a wee bit "inconsistent"? I'm so negative, forgive me. I'm THANKFUL that Lord has placed me in these positions and I continue to try a find the joy through it all.

ever have the feeling where you thought you knew what you were supposed to be doing, had some peace about it, thought it was what God wanted you to do, then you are blasted with new information (or in my case not as new) where you start to re-evaluate your whole route entirely, how to get from where you are to where you want to be.....um, yeah. I think I'm feeling that a wee bit.

I want to be: able to worry about NOTHING, able to stay home more than ONE or TWO days a week, fully content.

signing off.....

Sweet and Short

Well, since I've been online this evening far longer than I anticipated (hmmm...this seems to happen quite frequently actually)...I'll give you the short version of the semi-long version update.

I've been up a total of 15 hours now.
Got up at 6:45 am this morning, talked to mom about my weird dream (yes, the dream including marrying people who were already married, thinking i was supposed to marry someone else, and various other weird things), got a quick bite to eat (cranberry sauce and ezekiel bread english muffin! delicious!) then headed to VWW (the first abortion clinic of the day)
was at VWW 7:30-9:00am,
stopped in at the lovely Wawa (great coffee for really cheap! and they even have string cheese!! ) ,
traveled to the second abortion clinic, Ingleside, stayed from 10-12pm. We think a baby was saved! Yes! I talked with a couple who were really interested in what I had to say (walkers) and they went in then came immediately back out. Awesome praise the Lord! Emily and I talked about wanting to memorize Psalm 119. Looking forward to that. Thankfully, on my way to Ingleside, I didn't run any read lights this time, yes, I ran a red light and didn't really know till I was halfway though the intersection. On Virginia Beach Blvd mind you.
after this clinic, I went to the lovely Miss Teagle's home where we had our staff lunch of delightful grilled sandwiches (and kiwi), we prayed, and talked, and bundled up again for the last and final clinic of the day, Hillcrest! (over the hill we went!...har har)
Hillcrest lasted from 1:30-3:30, prayed, had some great conversation with Mike (as usual), some other interesting converstion which is not worth noting, got a little emotional over disturbing signs from someone who comes out to protest with us....good to be reminded of it though, you can get so "hard" and used to it.
and then, i went home. got online for a little while, ate a great hamburger made by my mom and corn salad, updated mom on the day's events, got ready for the evening with the girls...
we went to panera, was able to take melody c. with me which was nice, we got to talk in the car about good things, good fellowship with everyone, productive conversation.
this is becoming the long version and so i will say goodnight.

Blessings and peace ~elaine

so later tonight turned into two more days

Oh posh, updates.

Today was my first day of classes. I'm taking Principles of Microeconomics this semester with the same teacher I had last semester because I really enjoyed her teaching style and learned alot. Unfortunantly, she warns us that Micro is not the same as Macro, so......I left the class feeling fairly good about it, not really looking forward to the graph section, but am very up to pressing through and learning something difficult. For some reason, everyone I talk to feels sorry that I'm taking it. I really enjoyed most of the class last semester---for various reasons I guess. 1) she was the only teacher that semester I could really understand, follow, and learn from, 2) i was able to understand a little more about the economic state, 3) still learning that i need to start reading, watching, or listening to some sort of news ( i didn't last semester, still gained a lot just by the class, but i should probably start consistently reading certain section of the news to keep informed) I dropped the online class I had originally been fairly excited about--Survey of 20th Century culture--mainly because I've really been stirred to do more in the home (keep reading, i'll go into depth on this), 2) it looked really extensive--i love challenges but seeing that my schedule is so vexed (is that the right word) and stretched in a lot of ways, it was going to be a lot of work, and online classes can be confusing--it was vague, and noting the caliber of students from their introductions it would have been very similiar to English 111 and 112 (not very challenging, me helping everyone--which i enjoyed--but me really not learning from everyone else) and so. I dropped it! Yeah for making that decision. I believe i'll be very satisfied in the long run.

To update many of you on what I'm currently doing this semester:
~taking the one class tuesday and thursdays
~watching nadia and deema tuesday evenings--this has been a great experience! in the beginning, i had the priveledge of depositing into the life of their 13 year old foster child, i thank the Lord that she was put in my life for a short time which helped me grow and made me feel like i really did make a difference in her life.
~cleaning for an elderly couple on Friday afternoons--this also has been a great ministry (even though I do get paid) I've kind of been "adopted" in their eyes as the daughter claudia never had, they take me out to eat, want me to stay and have dinner or snack before i leave....and i've also been a sounding board and a true comfort ( i feel) to a lonely soul and have been able to minister through prayer and just caring enough to listen. it's been great!

So, I've talked to a lot of you about the movie I watched (Return of the Daughters) and the book I'm slowly (but surely, and plan to finish it, and re-read it) reading entitled "So Much More"-- both sources by Anna Sofia and Elizabeth Botkin. It was a few semesters back after watching the movie that I was just so stirred to jump very much on board with the biblical plan they were living out. However, I kind of put it off--set it on the back burner-- and figured I'd finish my associate degree and then begin to put into action these things I had been so stirred to do. In doing so, I became very busy, somewhat stressed, still had some peace in most areas, but specifically in one area (that of my education) wasn't settled about where to go for the next two years of my schooling. Well, my friend who is also reading this book e-mailed me with a few questions she had about a particular section they addressed in the book about college. I read over it, not extensively, but in this question/answer format came across a few questions that made me re-evaluate why I was doing what I was doing. Yes, I have goals like being fluent in Spanish, goals of teaching Worldview and or English, but the re-occuring goal or desire always went back to this Return of the Daughter stuff I'd been presented with---ultimatly to get this information into the hands of every young woman I met, to assure them that they have a purpose and are worth so much, that they can be content without competing in this world, doing the things God created in each of us as women to do. But, honestly, I had gone into last semester ( i believe it was then), wanting to be able to minister to the people, be a light in the darkness, really i had gotten to the place where i didn't care how long (well, at times i guess i cared a little) it took me to complete the two years for my associate degree, maybe for a few reasons one of the biggest being that i really wasn't sure where I wanted to go to finish my bachelor and i just didn't want to finish at this level till i really knew ! haha, drawing it out till it couldn't be drawn out anymore. another reason being that I really wanted to be more prepared spiritually--i was getting so busy, this just wasn't happening getting in the Word everyday, praying, seeing exactly what the Lord wanted to me to say and do while on the campus. Just the whole thing about getting so busy, I wasn't able to really do the important things like cleaning my bathroom and doing the dishes. SO, there were a few things that popped out to me as I skimmed this section on college in the book---the word minister and the word christian college. One of my "excuses" which might not be an excuse, because i really do feel it was my heart to minister on the college campus, but rather more of a reason to not put into full action--really to put off till i though it was time-- to do what the Lord has stirred in me. Am I really called to be a beacon of light on the college campus when I'm not able to fully devote my entire being to seeking God, which will thus prepare me for ministry? And is it really where He wants me to be? Am I the one called to minister there? So, the whole Christian college thing really made me evaluate the choice and uncertainty I was feeling about where to go after community college. Regent University was the main college I was considering, I even took one class there and loved it know a lot of people there, etc, but still just didn't have a peace about it. So, I came away thinking that maybe the Lord doesn't want me to go to Regent or any other 4 year universtity, which is why their wasn't peace.

I want to go into this next semester with some very strong goals for my education, the purpose i have as a daughter and sister in the home, and most importantly my spiritual walk with the Lord. It won't be perfect, but my heart is to really know the will of God and walk in it, and I've felt so stirred about these things that are so biblical, why not start there! I want to begin to carve out time to reflect, time to read and engage in stimulating education and learning from my home, be able to help mend what has been broken, and impart what I'm learning to others!

Essentially, I feel like this is a time to set right and put into action what has been put off far too long. Does this mean I won't be involved in society? Absolutely not! There are times where we have to really get back to what's important, re-evaluate why we are doing what we are doing, look at life from the lens of the Word of God, sit back and observe what God has done, not assume anything....I'm ready to pursue righteousness and want to be used by the Lord wherever He sees fit to use me, starting in the home!

Some goals:
~ One of my main goals is to start getting into a very serious study of the Word
~Begin to pray, being very specific in my requests, and also engaging in corporate prayer with others.
~Begin reading various different books (that will help me grow spiritually, mentally) that have been put on hold as I've tried to pursue an associate degree. Not like these books couldn't have been read then, but I just got so busy, it didn't happen, and really, I found myself (probably like a lot of people) not able to do those simple things that I knew I was supposed to do, like cleaning the toilet! It just didn't get done because I didn't make it a priority and found myself occupied with things that would fulfill what I wanted and or thought I needed at the time. posh!
~Start at some time a discussion group for young women, a place where we can talk about the Biblical commands and duties we have as women, how we can relate to our culture, what we can do to change things, etc. The backbone to this group would be pure Scripture and the resources provided by the Botkin sisters (which have been so revolutionary in my life!).

Since I've been typing about 45 minutes, I think I'll take a break. For those of you who read all of this: Bravo! Thank you for reading!

to catch up

Well, that picture maybe isn't the best to put up there but it will do for now. :0

There is so much to talk about and so little time! I plan on keeping up with this--as it's a great way to express in the written word how I am feeling, process what I'm doing, and keep everyone up to date. So, I hope that actually happens. :/

I'll update later tonight.....

so stay tuned